Irrationality
by ofteacupsandcats
Summary: There's something about this emotion, that robs you of all rationality, and you don't realize how illogical what you're doing is, until you've done it. (Oneshot, no pairing.)


Aisaka Taiga was not the kind of girl to be swayed by emotion.

She wasn't the type of girl who could be swayed by anything, really.

Heck, she was Aisaka _freaking _Taiga. She could kick your arse out the stratosphere. She was badass and she was scary. She had a wooden sword tucked into her clothes. She was a bitch and she knew it. And if you called her flat she would mow you _over_.

_Who's flat now?_

She didn't like people much, in case the violent streak didn't say enough. Well, maybe it wasn't so much not liking people as much as she was afraid of them. Yep, people. Those scared her.

She prided herself on her independence and will. She liked, very much, that people held her in reverence, and that she was more than capable of holding her own. She was _the_ embodiment of the modern woman. She didn't need a man.

At least, that's what she told herself.

Coming from a family that was complicated and broken had left her with a dilemma. She liked to think that she had her priorities straight. She was seventeen, and had her studies and her future to look out for. There was no time for amorous entanglements; she had seen so many of those around her overwhelmed and crushed by what they had thought was love. Fools. She let herself think she didn't believe in love.

But no matter how high the pedestal you place them on, people are still going to look at themselves and see flaws. Aisaka was no different. She knew that she was too brash and too unthinking, violent and opinionated. Her biggest insecurity- although it always sounded so stupid when she thought about it- was her femininity. It often occurred to her that while people were generally afraid of her, the opposite gender, particularly, would be the most averse to her. Men were, to say in the least, _visual creatures,_ she told herself, and while she convinced herself over and over that society's opinions were beneath her notice, it couldn't help but draw her attention to her too-small frame, her rather insignificant, well, chest appendages, and domineering personality. Boys liked girls who were gentle and graceful, well-endowed and elegant, and that was everything she wasn't.

And so she wouldn't let people in easy. She was afraid that they would see her as she saw herself, nothing more than an unattractive, clumsy midget. She didn't want to make mistakes in front of them. She would much rather they see her as untouchable, rather than have them laugh at what cowered behind her façade.

That meant definitely no relationships.

Relationships only destroyed. She knew, she just knew that if she got into one, she'd be broken by it. Just like with all the other people in her life, those who were supposed to have loved her the most. A bit of what life- and Math- had taught her was that trust was directly proportional to vulnerability.

Aisaka Taiga did _not _like being vulnerable.

And then there was Yusaka Kitamura.

She really, really hated him. He was too damn, well, _adorable. _There was something about him she just liked. She didn't like that. She had lived in denial for a while. Panicked, even. She could not, would not, be in love with him. Never! But she would find herself sneaking glances at him, and tripping over stairs shortly after. When she spoke to him her heart raced, and she just said the dumbest things. He- he listened. And he didn't just listen. He heard her. He cared and didn't treat her any differently. He never judged her- to her face, at least. And she liked that. It was a nice feeling. She could just be herself around him, and he was like the constant pillar of support you could lean on if you needed to.

It was something she had needed for so long.

While she hated herself for it, she gave her heart to him. She knew it could be a passing fancy. She hated herself for letting go of control so easily, and for abandoning all logic. She knew that she was consumed by an emotion that had rendered her rationality obsolete. She didn't care. He wouldn't break her.

So when she met Ryuuji, of course she was excited. He could help her. As selfish as she knew it was, she wanted Kitamura. Plan after plan was hatched and carried out, and all of them failed. The last straw was when people thought she was with Ryuuji. That had not been her intention at all! Kitamura, and only Kitamura would occupy her thoughts. And so she spoke. They do say that you can never go wrong with the truth.

It would be lying to say that she didn't cry. She did, with a wild abandonment and a howling pain. For days she would lie, a crumpled mess buried beneath the warm sheets as a storm of grief wrecked her again and again. She ached everywhere, her body, her heart, her soul. She hated it all, the world, and Ryuuji, and Kitamura, and most of all, herself. Of course he had wanted to stay just friends. She'd always known that. She was being selfish, lying there upset and inconsolable. It was her own stupid fault for throwing away her rationality.

She should have known. She should have stopped herself.

Aisaka Taiga was not the kind of girl to be swayed by emotion.

But just for today.

* * *

**It's been really long since I've seen Toradora, so you'll have to pardon any mistakes.**

**Thanks so much for reading my first upload in two years! Do leave feedback, I want to know what you thought, and how I can improve. :)**

**Love, Cora. **


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